TRIGGER WARNING OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE
I was sexually abused from the age of five
Yes that innocent and tender age of five
Not long was i alive on this Earth when my mum met that man and made him her husband
That’s when i learned to keep secrets
I was his little secret
At 7 I begged her not to marry him but she did and years later had the cheek to blame me for ruining her marriage
Leroy Channer was his name and today at 38 i am no longer ashamed
To this day my mum still carries his last name knowing what that man did to me for 5 years
She could never say she didn’t know because it was her who caught him in the act
He could not lie or deny because she saw with her very own eyes
Although throughout the years i have tried to forgive and forget i will never forget
Live and let live yes and maybe with time forgive
Years ago i was told to forgive him and move on and that’s when i decided to keep quiet
I decided not to speak even when others confided in me with what had happened to them
How can i ever forgive a man who almost ruined my life several times throughout my life?
When i say almost ruined I’m not just talking about the times i almost took my own life
I’m talking about the times i could not be touched by the people i claimed to love
I’m talking about the times i slept around so much i was labelled a slut
I’m talking about the times i drank so much and got ridiculously drunk
I’m talking about never fully knowing who to trust
The antidepressants
The time I’ve lost thinking about this is time i will never get back
I’m talking about watching my own daughter like a hawk and teaching her from birth to tell me if someone ever touched her here, here or here
At times i relive the physical, psychological and emotional pain and I’m fully aware it will never go away
Some of my relationships have really suffered over the years
I will always be scarred
It has been traumatic to say the least
To say I’ve been through a lot in my life is an understatement
I have been through heaps
Over time i have been able to see the wood for the trees
Statistics show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are affected by this
I am a woman
I am resilient
I am courageous
I have achieved amazing things
Despite my circumstances i remain strong
I could go on an on about what went wrong but i won’t.
For now, i choose to focus on the future
Living everyday as it comes and motivating others to speak their truth along the way.
– Andreena Leeanne
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
As a out and proud Black Lesbian Poet and mother to a teenage daughter, Andreena Leeanne is a minority within a minority who is making majority moves within the LGBTIQ+ community.
She founded Poetry LGBT Open Mic Night in January 2015. Poetry LGBT is a warm and welcoming space for the whole community to come together to share their experiences through poetry and spoken word. It is a vital much needed space for us to share our creativity and express ourselves.
Andreena is a positive role model within the community and works hard to bring all sections of the community together to encourage unity within the community.
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